look here's a gift guide no one can actually use because everything on it is so expensive

You know how Vogue always compiles a holiday gift guide, and all the items on it are ridiculously expensive? Like this year, one of their suggestions is week at La Piantata in Italy, ringing up at $442 per night. Or if you don't like that idea, you can always buy your friend a bedazzled smiley face clutch for $1,140.

Okay literally no one spends that much on presents. I bet even the Real Housewives hit up the holiday sales. Vogue's (and other "aspirational" magazines') holiday gift guides are always a joke, so here's my list of things I want but will never get.

1. ANYTHING FROM GIVENCHY FALL 2011. (ugh.)

2. Louis Vuitton metal collar.

3. Givenchy Spring 2012 shark-tooth necklace. Tisci understands me.

4. Prada Spring 2012 ~flame~ shoes.

5. Meadham Kirchhoff Spring 2012 tops and sweaters and jackets and all that is sherbet-colored

I really expect no less than the above items this holiday season so to all my family members, you better start earning some money like the people at Vogue.

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