A Lesson in Oddness from Normal Bob Smith

The first time I “hung out” in Union Square was in eighth grade, three years ago. My middle school was located a few blocks away from the Square’s main park, located on fourteenth street, so one day, a particularly nice variety of teacher gave us a summer day off from class and brought us there. I went off with my friends and wandered in and out of the stores scattered around the area, eventually making our way downtown to Saint Marks Place. Since then, I’ve always considered Union Square Park a good place to meet up with friends, not because I deemed it an interesting place to spend time in (teenagers don’t just sit around parks, because that’s not awesome and cool like teenagers are), but because of its convenient location near the Lower East Side, Soho, and Chelsea. But two years later, after reading an article in the New York Times on “Normal Bob Smith,” I began to realize just how interesting the Park can be.

New Yorker Normal Bob Smith spends most of his time doing precisely what my 13-year-old mind thought it is not cool to do: he sits on the steps of Union Square Park. But he doesn’t just “sit around,” he’s chronicling each group that frequents the park, from the Peepers (middle aged men who spend their days looking up the skirts of women) to the Gravers (Gothic ravers) to the Dog Molester (exactly what it sounds like). Smith calls these “park rats” his Amazing Strangers, and designs a yearly postcard featuring a game in which you match each stranger with his respective nickname and the group he fits into. Flip the card over and you’ll find a park map showing where each Amazing Stranger is usually found. (For example, the junkies tend to hide out by the trees in the “Methadone Alley.”) Smith also posts photos and videos of the strange goings-on in Union Square Park to his website (normalbobsmith.com) and Youtube account, which was recently removed due to the occasional “offensive” content (nudity, drug use, etc). (Now are you interested?) Most of his videos feature a certain Amazing Stranger, or group of Amazing Strangers, and the rest depict the general oddities of Union Square. Take “What’s Wendell Doing for the Storm?” for example. That particular video features Amazing Stranger “Wendell the Garbageman” (a victim of the crack cocaine epidemic and self-proclaimed fashion designer) demonstrating plan to “play like a turtle” (basically, crouch on the sidewalk) during Hurricane Irene while another, “Awesome Shot,” shows a Christian loudly preaching his beliefs while a homeless man rips up porn magazines and mutters to himself. Smith has created a new Youtube account (amazingstrangersnyc) and is re-uploading all questionable videos to Vimeo.

Smith's most recent postcard match game. Click to enlarge.

Wendell again.

Awesome Shot from Normal Bob on Vimeo.

Union Square is not Smith’s only interest, though: he is also passionate about art and graphic design, graduating from the Colorado Institute of Art in 1990. Professionally, he considers himself a freelance artist. (“And complaint department manager,” he jokes.) In 2001, Smith designed Jesus Dress Up, a magnet and online game in which you drag amusing outfits and accessories (such as a Satan mask, a grass skirt, and bunny slippers) onto the crucified saint himself. There are also a number of specialized Jesus Dress Ups, including a BDSM (!) and Lady Gaga version. Urban Outfitters stocked the game from October 2003 until early March 2004, pulling it from their shelves in response to Angry Christian Protests. Now, the magnets are only sold in select stores. “None of them are chain stores, they’re all stores like Forbidden Planet. And I have Triangles and Rainbows in the West Village; I have some across the state; in San Francisco I have a few stores. You can also buy them on the website. And they’re number two on Google search for Jesus!”

The original Jesus Dress Up

BDSM Jesus Dress Up

Smith continues to design dress up pages. “I did the Jesus Dress Up page and that got me business doing it, and it just became a niche that I filled because people saw the Jesus Dress Up and hired me to do those. And it turned out to be something I was fascinated by. I like fashion, I like the comedy that comes with it, and I like drawing people a lot.” He recently added Mohammad Dress Up to his website, eliciting death threats from Muslim extremists— a scenario similar to that of the creators of South Park who depicted Muhammad dressed in a bear suit on one episode.

“I’ve gotten some great death threats, I mean very colorful ones. Like, ‘we will make sure you have a thousand 9/11’s; we will dress you in the skins of your children’ and stuff like that. Anyone who knows anything knows generally the death threats are all bullshit. I’ve even gotten death threats for the Jesus dress up, and I know how much shit they are. And it might be a little bit more real if I were in Europe or something, where the borders collided with, y’know, actual Jihadists or whatever.” And in addition to death threats, Smith receives hate mail. After the controversy behind Jesus Dress Up landed it a spot on the MSNBC Countdown, NBC Philadelphia, and in the Washington Times, he received a quarter of a million Angry-Christian e-mails within a one-week period. However, it seems as if the hype is wearing off. “On average then, I was getting twenty [hate mails] a day or something like that. Now I end up getting maybe one, two or three a week, something like that.” Don’t hesitate to send Smith your complaints, though. He dedicates a section of his website to hate mail and actually looks forward to receiving it as it confirms he’s “on the right track and not pleasing everybody.

Smith also personalizes dress up pages, his most popular freelance request. Currently, he is working on one for local advice-columnist Miss Tiger. “It’ll be a cartoon where you can dress her up in costumes and stuff. Her whole dress up page is all high fashion stuff and I’m really having fun doing it,” he says, showing me an in-progress page featuring a wide-eyed blonde wearing a flowing dress and heels.

 Bob Smith (born Bob Hain) was raised in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and “did his wonder years,” elementary school through college, in Colorado. Smith grew up in a Christian household, but questioned the beliefs that surrounded him as he “saw how much it disfigured my outlook on life.” As Smith realized his plan for a website, he sat his parents down and told them what was going on. “I said, ‘I’m not a Christian, I’m an atheist and I have a website that talks about it in detail. Never go to my site,’ I told them. They’re very loving, Christian parents and they were like, ‘Bobby, we’re just going to have to double up our prayers on you, and you know we love you,’ and all that.” After completing school, Smith got a job doing art in Chicago. But the job began to wear, and he moved to New York in 2002. “I took a week off to visit here because I’d never been. People always told me I should, and when I came I just fell in love with it. I was infatuated with it. I already had kind of a celebrity view of it, where I just thought of it as this famous place where all my favorite movies have been filmed, and all my favorite actors and artists were from. And when I came here it just only confirmed that.” Smith discovered Union Square during his visit, and has been going there ever since relocating to the city. It didn’t take long for him to notice the groups that constitute the Park regulars: “That was pretty quick. My friend Shaggy, he’d been going there for all of his life and he filled me in. I met him in Union Square because we had a lot in common. We both sat there and watched people, and critiqued people. He filled me I on everything I wanted to know, like he was my tour guide.” And surprisingly, the groups of Park regulars have hardly changed since then. “There were Skaters, there were the Peepers, there were the Gravers in the back of the park, Models, and Junkies. The two things that didn’t exist back then were Free Hugs and Scenesters. They hadn’t yet come around.” When asked what group he would most likely to join, Smith laughs. “I’ve been told by a few people that my fate would be joining the junkies in Union Square, even though I don’t do junk. When I sit at Union, usually a lot of skaters come up and hang out with me. I guess if anything I’m already a part [of the Skaters], even though I don’t even skate at all. But that’s bullshit too because a lot of different groups hang out with me; Gravers come up, I’ve hung out with Junkies, I’ve hung out with Scenesters, even the Free Huggers, but I’m probably most associated with the Skater group.” Even so, Smith is certainly not friends with everyone in the park. “I don’t like many of the people there. There’s every combination—there’s people I don’t like that like me, there are people who I like that don’t like me. There are definitely people that do not like me.” Part of the reason why some aren’t a fan has to do with the fact that Smith posts every video he takes, no matter how compromising, on his website and Youtube. And he makes sure everyone in the park knows this. “There are certain people that don’t want anything to do [with the website]. The Peepers don’t like me. There are certain junkies that even threaten to kill me. One junky, one time he was walking next to Shaggy and I, and he turns around and goes, ‘you’re Nevada Bob Smith, aren’t you?’ and I’m like, ‘yeah, I’m Nevada Bob Smith,’ and he says, ‘I’m gonna cut your throat out, you put me on your site!’” But similar to his outlook on hate mail, Smith is not bothered by the Park Rats who dislike him. “I don’t think they’re my enemies. I’m too fascinated by them to be enemies with them.”

Your typical Union Square Junky

 Though Smith doesn’t foster any rivalries within in the Park, there are still people trying to shut him down. Unfortunately, his anti-religion views often get in the way of his success in the corporate world. “I recently stumbled across a blog where these Christians were talking and said ‘I just typed Jesus into Google and I’m so upset with what I saw,’ and this conversation going back and forth with these Christian people. They decided to start writing to all of my clients, who I do work for, and tell them that they’re going to boycott their business if they keep hiring me to do their work for them…there are a lot of people out there trying to stop or repress me when I’m trying to get my work out there.” Additionally, police surveillance in Union Square Park has been increasing over the years, a potential threat to all the shenanigans that go on there, videotaped by Smith. “I’m often scared that one day Union will be shut down or changed, or there will be so much police presence there that it won’t be interesting anymore or whatever, and I’ll have no where to go.” Smith has tried visiting different parks such as Tompkins Square Park and Central Park, but “none of them are as interesting.” In the future, Smith sees himself as a “struggling artist, which is the same as now, unfortunately. I would really like it if something big were to happen. What I do is so not mainstream enough to line my pockets with gold, but we’ll see. I’m trying to see if I can make this really take off. That’s what I’ve been trying to do for twelve years now." 

Smith’s online presence may seem larger than life, what with Jesus Dress Up and all the crazy photos and videos he posts from Union Square. Add in the fact that he will occasionally dress up as Satan and hand out GOD IS FAKE flyers to the Christian “Fundies” in the park, and you get a real character. But IRL, Normal Bob Smith is pretty…normal. Upon first glance, he looks like your average New Yorker. He wears jeans and a T-shirt, and does computer work in coffee shops. But once you start talking to Smith, you realize how totally unorthodox his thoughts, hopes, and dreams really are. First, you’ll notice the matching tattoos on his arms: a crucified Satan decorates both his arms, an expression of his complete opposition to religion. He cites Crispin Glover, Emo Phillips, and Andy Warhol as his influences because they “fool people with their art.” When speaking about what his own art, Smith is earnest. “Ever since I started, I wondered what would be my ideal. My ideal would be to have enough money to be able to fund all the crazy shit I want to do. I’ve never yet gotten that chunk of money, but I’m working towards it.” So what exactly would Smith do if given a million dollars? “Oh wow. I would definitely reinvest in a whole bunch of different projects. I have tons of different side project ideas, but they all cost money. I have other Jesus Dress Ups, I have a board game I made up that I would love to get made, I would like to create my own little documentary and make my site come to life in a movie format somehow. There’s so much I would like to do if I got that much money.” Smith also talks about a tour he hopes to someday start up. “I’ve tried to do this once two years ago with my friend, and we were going to make a tour where I designed a party and the party would have a Godless theme, and it would have everything from a show; a live version of Jesus Dress Up, and live music, and dancing, big performance art. Like we were comparing it to that freak show that goes on tour…I even designed the whole thing out and we tried to make it happen but it just got too expensive.”

Smith (middle), showing park-goers his Amazing Strangers postcard. His friend, Shaggy, on the right.

As a self-absorbed middle-schooler, I never really noticed the oddities of Union Square Park. But self-absorbed and middle school student or not, most people are the same way: all they see in Union Square is a bunch of people hanging around with the occasional homeless person thrown in. You could say Smith and the Park are similar in the sense that one could walk right past either everyday and not notice anything out of the ordinary. Smith has a sharp eye for “the stuff that most people shield their eyes from,” and his website and videos help you understand and appreciate Union Square Park’s anything-but-ordinary culture that is not obvious upon first glance.

And there’s one more thing you’re probably still wondering: why exactly does a man born Bob Hain now work under the name Normal Bob Smith? “Compared to all the beliefs I come in contact with over the Internet, or even in Union Square, I feel pretty damn normal.”

Update: On Monday, September 12^th (tomorrow), Inside Edition is airing a show in which the Peepers of Union Square are caught and busted. It will also feature Normal Bob Smith’s comments on the footage they’ve shot. Check it out on Channel 5 at Noon.

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